I thought it might be good to re-assert why I changed the name of my blog to Not Afraid. It's a reference to the Eminem song by the same name
A couple of the lyrics that stood out to me the most are these:
Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there
Life is a journey, there's a reason we experience what we do and each new experience brings us to where we should be. I'm a strong believer in fate, I believe that we have the ability to change our paths, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason too. Some people feel they're in the same boat, and while I don't condone forcing anyone to change who they are if they are happy, for those that aren't happy, I want to show them a different path.
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
To everyone who says I can't do something, I'm going to prove them wrong, and all those who have looked down on me for years, I'm going to show them just how wrong they were about me all those years. I don't care what opinions people have of me or my goals, I'm doing this for me and me alone - to be a better person and move forward, leaving my pain and anger behind.
I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road
I'm here for anyone who needs support. Whether you're straight with a gay friend or family member they are trying to understand, a gay dude that firmly believes he's gay but feel you don't fit in, or someone who feels like being gay hasn't been in their personal best interests and they are looking for a new path. I'm here for everyone and anyone, no restrictions, no judgments, no requirements. Come as you are, even those who oppose my views and believe I'm completely wrong, I'm still here for them if they need it too.
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
To the "gay scions" who feel that they have the right to dictate other people's lives, viewing themselves as kings among the gay community, they are a small, insignificant, and largely petty group of negative individuals who's only pleasure in life is destroying the happiness of others. I have no sympathy any longer for those who have no sympathy for others. Despite that, if they were to come to me asking for a compassionate ear, I would be there for them. But until they see that their anger and negativity is destructive, I can do nothing for them, and any feelings I would have for them are irrelevant as they are unwilling to see someone like me as anything but a threat to their narrow world view and sexuality.
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!
I'm still working through my past, coming to terms with who I am and who I want to be. No one can dictate who I should be but me. I thought the path I was on was the only possible path I could take, and I'm finding now that I have alternatives. I'm still haunted by my past homophobia, the hatred and anger I felt unfairly towards an entire community for refusing to accept me as I was (when it was only a small segment that made me feel unwelcome). But I'm coming to terms with all the negativity from my past, trying to be a stronger person mentally, physically, and spiritually. I can sit and complain about being a single gay man, not finding someone I connect with, feeling like I'll be 50 and single because of the same patterns repeating again and again - OR - I can find the root cause of that cycle, address it, overcome it, and work towards a more positive future.
For some, homosexuality can be a positive experience. As I've said before, I'm not telling every gay person that they HAVE to change, that would be wrong and presumptuous of me to think I can dictate their lives. BUT, for those that feel they're in the same boat, questioning if they are on the right path, seeking some sort of happiness and getting caught in the same cycle again and again, those are the people I'm here for the most.
