So my opinion of the church service I went to is more or less ambivalent. The main highlights that I got from the church are that sex is good, you should have boundaries, and that it's ideal to have sex within a marriage. I agree for the most part with the premise, after all, no matter one's sexuality, without boundaries, sex becomes something self-destructive, as I've experienced in my life, and as many folks I've known, gay, straight or otherwise, have experienced.
It comes back to the "everything in moderation" concept, and as soon as one realizes that their sexual experiences are not healthy for them physically, mentally, or even spiritually, the sooner they can work to change their root problems and become a better person. This doesn't mean that the gay dude who's been sleeping around a lot has to become straight anymore than the straight "player" has to become gay. Everyone has different reasons for why they are hurting inside, in the end we're all seeking to fill some void in our hearts that was made empty by some traumatic event or series of events in our pasts. When we address that pain and anger from the past, we can become whole people and no longer have to rely on self destructive behavior to fill that void. For myself it was the lack of self confidence and comparing myself to others, for someone else, it could be entirely different.
Talking to my trainer afterward, I told him how I want to keep this blog accessible to everyone, no matter their views on faith. I don't want to make folks who are largely opposed to religion (especially Christianity) to feel like I'm somehow urging them to go that route to overcome their pain. He understands my concerns and where I'm coming from. His view on filling that void/becoming a whole person is that without God in your life, you are never truly whole, and that you can't overcome the pain in your past without God's help. Personally, I'm still iffy on that only because I want this to be something I accomplish intrinsically/internally, as I feel to do otherwise wouldn't make the change permanent. That's not to say I can do it all on my own, I know I can't, that's why I rely on my trainer, my close friends, and my family for support as well. I just don't know that I'm ready to go that "God" step yet, though I may be more open to it down the road.
In the end, my trainer said that right now I'm on the right path, my mind and my heart are open to possibilities and experiences. He said that he didn't find his wife until he decided to just relax and let life come to him and to stop trying to find someone. So he says it's just a matter or patience and openness that will lead me where I need to go in life. So I'm going to try to just relax, let life happen a little more, and see what comes of it.
