So last night me and the gym crew went downtown barhopping for a dude's birthday who didn't even show. Oh well, we still had fun!
I've also learned a lot last night, despite being pretty buzzed. For someone in my situation, going to a bar is like a little league ball player playing in the World Series. Sure you're gonna to get your ass kicked by the better players who've been at this for years, but you still learn something. So I'm a pretty open-minded guy, I saw the sorts of interactions people were having, watching people. I even chatted up this girl that went to school with my bro Zach, bought her a drink, and just kinda evaluated the situation. Garret thinks she was in to me, but I didn't feel any kind of spark there, couldn't really find anything to talk to her about honestly, we hit on the old stuff of what do you do, where are you from, blah blah, but the convo just kinda fizzled after that. She seemed nice enough, but Zach told me that she wasn't worth it, that she's just a drunk and only after that. Not sure if maybe he was cock-blocking me, but I trust him, so I doubt it. There was plenty of cock-blocking going around all night though, that was interesting to see first hand. Like that girl came with her two girlfriends, and this other guy showed up that apparently knew her too, so she ended up talking to him most of the night. But oh well, luck of the draw. In retrospect, probably should have tried talking to her shorter friend, but she seemed kinda peeved most of the night, which is probably why she wasn't getting much attention at all.
All in all, it was an interesting learning experience, and that's really what I'm after, trying to figure out where I'm going on this crazy road trip called life. One thing I was pretty upset about, at least at the time (I'm all right with it now), is that Garret told my friends about me quite a ways back. I wanted to be the one to say something, but Garret said they were asking about me, thinking I was being awkward, shit like that. So that made me worry, not so much that my friends knew about me (and they're still cool with me no matter what I am), but that if I come off as awkward to dudes, I'm definitely going to come off as awkward to women. I'm not sure how to go about fixing that without turning into some kind of emotionally distant prick. I just try to be the good guy, offer to hang with my friends, cuz I know how I get when I'm bored and it's nice to have folks you can hang out with - and Zach in particular lives like a five minute walk from me (until I move) so that's why I figured we could hang out more than we have besides the gym and bars.
Anyway, part of Zach's advice to me was maybe try meeting some chicks at church, or meeting them through friends. He said he'd help me try to find a chick too. So I guess all in all, the one thing I need to figure out is how to lose the "gay vibe" since, like I said, if guys pick up on it, I know chicks can. Won't do me any good trying to get with some chick who automatically thinks I'm gay because I don't know how to play the game by a different set of rules, at least not yet.
Experience, experience, experience, that's the name of the game, get more of it, figure out what works best for me, and go from there. I've got ten years of bad wiring to reprogram (not saying gay people are badly wired, just saying I personally am). It won't be easy, but anything worth doing never is.
Can't embed it, but though this video kind of captured the feeling last night:
Memories by David Guetta (feat. Kid Cudi)
