So I'm going to have a pretty interesting weekend. Today I'm meeting with the trainer at the pool and hopefully my book comes in today, and likely go to another AA meeting as well. But tomorrow I go to my first Evergreen meeting here in Denver. I'm not sure what to expect, but apparently there will be two LDS bishops there observing and getting a feel for the organization. And being I'm not LDS, nor do I buy into the "homosexuality is a sin" argument, I will probably be a bit out of place.
I don't believe in sin, I believe that certain actions we take are either positive or negative to ourselves, those around us, or our personal conception of "god", if we have one. Being mainly a deist, I don't believe in a highly involved "god" directly involved in our personal lives, etc. So the idea of sin is something that doesn't mesh well with my world view. For me, homosexuality is negative because of what it inherently is (and only someone who has experienced it from the inside can truly see it for what it is). It is a superficial, degrading, emasculating (in all senses of the word) and depressing form of socialization. It is based on the premise that sex is the only thing that matters in life and thus, have as much as you can with as many people as you can, provided they meet your superficial standards of "hotness" as defined by the gay media that expects all gay men to be over six foot, Abercrombie and Fitch model wannabes with perfect bodies and perpetually early 20s. If you look like that and are happy with yourself, and all your myriad partners are happy too, more power to ya. For those of us that want something more substantial or stable, we're shit out of luck.
So anyway, again, homosexuality is negative, it prohibits me from growing as a person, becoming a complete and positive person, and reaching my full potential. So I'm on this path to overcome that dark part of my life and try to rectify all the mistakes I've made so far. I'm very near to reducing my total gay friends to maybe one, and only talking to him because he gets me, understands why I'm trying to do this, and what I'm doing it for, and he's several hundred miles away in DC, so it doesn't really bother me that I can't hang out with him on a regular basis. What irks me are people in the same city/state who never want to hang out.
Well, I thought I'd close this entry with this video, it's from Rascal Flatts and it's called Stand.
